Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Lantern Love Shadow

Here is a youtube site for the video below:

In this dance I cannot say that I felt the love. What happened before this dance was as follows.

“It’s beginning to snow. I have to go outside and dance.” So I vacillated around obtaining a camera person. I couldn’t find one and opted for the moment instead of a plan. Going through my options I saw a lantern shade on my kitchen table; my dad had put it there. I grabbed my –performance soiled- red piece of fabric and my black baggy pants and attempted to create a costume.

Costumes: They can be my method of hiding. They also seem to say a lot about me. And what is lovely is sometimes, as in this case, they fall off, and I’m forced to keep going without my plan. That’s fine.

I realize that LOVE was the topic for this month, and I tried to load other videos of myself attempting to embody some form of my love. This video is the one that ended up working. Somehow the other ones had technical difficulties, (or rather, I had technical difficulties)

I feel that a lot of the same old stuff is to bear in this video. I felt a little exhilarated that I was finally putting my ass in front of a camera and doing something. There was a degree of increasing self respect in myself for that action.

I began sessions with an EFT Practitioner which has a lot to do with loving yourself. In fact much of what you say goes something like "Even though...blah blah blah...I love myself anyway." There's a little more to it than that, but you get the idea.

Also here is a video I found very inspiring.

If I were to say that this video has anything to do with Love I would be making an interpretation. I did however have the topic in my head—and so, an ounce of awareness around Love must have existed in my dance.

I have other videos with more Love which I had difficulty isolating. I’ll hopefully be able to post them later.

I would say, as I said before, that I am hiding. I am afraid of Love actually. I do not think I understand it, and therefore I fear it. Loving my parents happens, I have strong emotions for them, and for my brother. I know that. There are others in my life who I love, and have loved.

At present however I could say that my Love has shrouded its light with a household lamp-shade.

There are actions I understand will imbue my presence with emotion. Dancing with my father could be one such action. However I didn’t ask him. It may yield some interesting results because my father self-proclaims that he doesn’t like dancing, but that he used to.

I can already hear the encouragement to dance with my father.

Please, I would love to share or talk about this if anyone wants to, but try not to say things like “you should dance with your father.”

I don't really know what my face is doing during this. I think I wanted it to just do something, and that's what came out.

Much of my old emotion and movement style is coming through in this dance. I hope to clear the tubes.


  1. such a beauty-filled dance, evan...
    and i love how the butoh muse strikes in this process of filming this way - what emerges from the spontaneity - 'it is snowing, now is the time, grab whatever is at hand (or not) and dance!'
    i was mesmerized... the juxtaposition of the fast falling snow and your stillness in body initially... the relentless snow and grinding - matching energies... the determination...
    love not present?
    wearing red, the color of LOVE... the color of our hearts...
    and yet, completely hidden from our view initially.. the face, the eyes - the windows of our souls - covered / hidden / protected behind the lamp / shade / shadow...
    love's shadow?
    and the relentless snow... cold.. and yet not responding to the cold... protected... not feeling cold? not feeling?
    was relieved with the unveiling of costume... the mortar and pestle becoming sources of tuning inward... inner focusing 'instruments'...
    i thought the sound i was hearing was the mortar and pestle... it wasn't until the 'grinding' stopped that i realized it was the sound of the heavy snow falling... the power of nature's music... setting the feeling tone...
    looking forward to sharing this process with you... the process of 'tube clearing'...
    so beautiful... thank you for sharing your dance, your self, your soul... your passion... love...

  2. (((O))))MG! Love is: doing this a third time due to technical difficulties)))))

    Wow, Wow, Wow! As my grandson said when he saw the Ocean for the first time at age 2 yrs old; or the "first" time he saw it snow at age 3. L Loved the snow falling on the camera and one big flake spotted right above your head! I loved the Site you chose: Big "Spruce?" Trees in a meadow .... and the juxtaposition of the airplane sounding overhead. I loved your focus and concentration of authentic Movement with Mortar, pestle, contact to head: a mythical metaphor for sure. Aesthetically pleasing as you respond to....
    Thank you, Evan! This was wonderful to witness!

  3. How different we experience love!
    And how much the same! The grinding, constant, growing, accumulating, exploding love. The hidden and the exposed. There's so much going on in this piece. I'm so happy you posted it.
    I'm also inspired by your writing. transparent and authentic, revealing and real.I like how you exposed your process as well as some intention. Nothing seems hidden here. This is the real deal. I hope to take a lesson from you.
    Thank you for sharing your love.