Here is a youtube site for the video below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJwGzvYJsyg
In this dance I cannot say that I felt the love. What happened before this dance was as follows.
“It’s beginning to snow. I have to go outside and dance.” So I vacillated around obtaining a camera person. I couldn’t find one and opted for the moment instead of a plan. Going through my options I saw a lantern shade on my kitchen table; my dad had put it there. I grabbed my –performance soiled- red piece of fabric and my black baggy pants and attempted to create a costume.
Costumes: They can be my method of hiding. They also seem to say a lot about me. And what is lovely is sometimes, as in this case, they fall off, and I’m forced to keep going without my plan. That’s fine.
I realize that LOVE was the topic for this month, and I tried to load other videos of myself attempting to embody some form of my love. This video is the one that ended up working. Somehow the other ones had technical difficulties, (or rather, I had technical difficulties)
I feel that a lot of the same old stuff is to bear in this video. I felt a little exhilarated that I was finally putting my ass in front of a camera and doing something. There was a degree of increasing self respect in myself for that action.
I began sessions with an EFT Practitioner which has a lot to do with loving yourself. In fact much of what you say goes something like "Even though...blah blah blah...I love myself anyway." There's a little more to it than that, but you get the idea.
Also here is a video I found very inspiring.
http://www.globalonenessproject.org/videos/adyashanticomplete
If I were to say that this video has anything to do with Love I would be making an interpretation. I did however have the topic in my head—and so, an ounce of awareness around Love must have existed in my dance.
I have other videos with more Love which I had difficulty isolating. I’ll hopefully be able to post them later.
I would say, as I said before, that I am hiding. I am afraid of Love actually. I do not think I understand it, and therefore I fear it. Loving my parents happens, I have strong emotions for them, and for my brother. I know that. There are others in my life who I love, and have loved.
At present however I could say that my Love has shrouded its light with a household lamp-shade.
There are actions I understand will imbue my presence with emotion. Dancing with my father could be one such action. However I didn’t ask him. It may yield some interesting results because my father self-proclaims that he doesn’t like dancing, but that he used to.
I can already hear the encouragement to dance with my father.
Please, I would love to share or talk about this if anyone wants to, but try not to say things like “you should dance with your father.”
I don't really know what my face is doing during this. I think I wanted it to just do something, and that's what came out.
Much of my old emotion and movement style is coming through in this dance. I hope to clear the tubes.
